Holiday Music For When The Elves Finally Snap

Holiday Music For When The Elves Finally Snap

Because not every Christmas needs to sound like a commercial for eggnog

It happens every December. Somewhere between the fifteenth Target run and your fifth coworker forcing “All I Want for Christmas Is You” into the breakroom playlist, something inside you fractures. The lights flicker. The cheer starts to rot. You need a different kind of holiday soundtrack—the kind that smells faintly of distortion and burnout.

So here it is: Holiday Music for When the Elves Finally Snap — a Spotify playlist built for anyone who’s had it with sleigh bells and fake smiles.
Listen here: Holiday Music for When the Elves Finally Snap

august burns red – “carol of the bells”

No one needed this to be metal. August Burns Red did it anyway. It’s relentless, over-the-top, and sounds like the kind of carol you’d play while forging weapons for Santa’s inevitable coup.

the dollyrots – “because i’m santa”

Pop-punk chaos with sugar highs and sarcasm. It’s like Christmas morning after too much caffeine and no sleep—a holiday meltdown you can dance to.

foo fighters – “run rudolph run”

Dave Grohl’s take on Chuck Berry’s classic turns the sleigh chase into a bar fight. Pure adrenaline, no mistletoe required.

rob halford – “donner & blitzen”

The Metal God himself enters full North Pole command mode. It’s festive only because no one’s brave enough to tell him otherwise.

king diamond – “no presents for christmas”

This one came out in 1985 and still reigns as the definitive “we’re done pretending” Christmas song. Satan, sleigh bells, and shrieking vocals—it’s everything the season secretly deserves.

psychostick – “jingle bell metal”

If you’ve ever wanted to mosh in a Santa hat, here’s your anthem. It’s parody, but it goes hard. The perfect soundtrack for wrapping gifts with an axe.

corey taylor – “x-mas”

Corey Taylor’s annual reminder that he’s allergic to Christmas spirit. It’s catchy, grumpy, and weirdly wholesome in a middle-finger kind of way.

The holidays aren’t for everyone, but the music doesn’t have to suck. Whether you’re working retail, ghosting family events, or just trying to survive another ugly sweater party, crank this playlist until the lights short out.

Stream it now:
Holiday Music for When the Elves Finally Snap – Spotify Playlist

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