metal tracks to scare off carolers
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Metal Tracks to Scare Off Carolers
because not every doorstep deserves kindness
Some neighborhoods get polite singers with matching scarves. Others get kids holding lukewarm cocoa and shaky harmonies. Either way, you don’t have to participate. Here’s a set of metal tracks engineered to send carolers back to their minivans before they reach the second verse.
Check out the playlist here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/13VfsES9H9GBjt4S5pUbLs?si=3c486addb091464b
rob zombie — “superbeast”
The opening growl alone should clear a 20-foot radius. A blast of industrial horror that tells wandering singers this house is off-limits. The porch lights don’t turn on here.
cattle decapitation — “kingdom of tyrants”
If anyone stays after Zombie, this finishes the job. The vocals reach “biblical possessor” levels, and the guitars feel like they’re peeling wallpaper. Carolers aren’t trained for this kind of weather.
nails — “you will never be one of us”
Perfect for when a group approaches with clipboards, matching sweaters, or confidence. One minute of pure hostility. The message is clear: go home.
full of hell — “crawling back to god”
A sonic brick to the face. You don’t just scare off carolers with this—you erase their memories of why they came outside.
anaal nathrakh — “in the constellation of the black widow”
If someone somehow appreciates the previous tracks, they won’t survive the operatic shrieks and chaos here. This is the final warning before salt is poured on the walkway.
the dillinger escape plan — “43% burnt”
Math-metal panic. Impossible rhythms, impossible volume. Imagine holiday cheer meeting a woodchipper.
meshuggah — “bleed”
If they’re still standing, this is the final exorcism. Seven minutes of mechanical punishment. No one sings after this.
Use responsibly, or irresponsibly. Either way, the driveway stays clear.
DethNote Apparel designs clothing for the people who answer the door with a riff instead of a smile.
Browse the collection or join the list before the next knock hits the door.